Life for me is about relationships. They start as little lego pieces without instructions, and some fit together somewhat-perfectly but most of them I don't know what to do with and put aside for later. Mostly I never find those pieces again.


I bullshit a lot (i.e. “Friends with benefits” benefits both parties in ways that real relationships could never achieve). I think the first step for change is to be honest with yourself. But often times I don't even know who I am on the inside, just the fundamentals like everyone else -- a self-image in a constant flux of change. The next logical step of course, is to move on to being honest with people. People think of me as this happy-go-lucky quirky boy, an innocent and nice but weird soul. They are of course mostly right; I treat people with respect and I'm positive(ly) strange most of the time. I seem very open in my opinions, most of which I do not believe in. Ridiculous abnormal (sometimes immoral) opinions that make people cringe or laugh, or both. Why? For the sake of being funny in some situations and as a defense mechanism in others. I keep it real, but not too real, hoping people will realize the words I say are for fun because I don't know how to express the truth, hoping people will realize that I am a different person than my words might imply.


Periodically, when I have bullshitted out all I can and creativity escapes me, I sink back into solitude because I feel unconnected with people. Relationships tire me out, and for me who needs to be liked and respected by people in order to respect myself, it's not even a choice anymore. I get depressed when I can't talk to people. And on days like today when I am altogether unsure if this sort of relationship-orientated attitude suits an introvert like me, I repeat to myself one very wise phrase, “Don't feel sorry for yourself, only assholes do that.” There's comfort in hiding in a dark dorm room with a bag of lays watching television swallowed by insecurities, but there's relief in actually leaving this save little cave to venture out if only to have an awkward conversation with a friend.

Views: 6


You need to be a member of wdydwyd? to add comments!

Join wdydwyd?

Share with others!

unique visitors

Project History | contact

Latest Activity

Steven Marlow Aka Vlad posted a group

Dusty Love Tribe UK

We are a community of Utopian dreamers who believe in bringing about positive change through human…See More
Jan 29
Steven Marlow Aka Vlad is now a member of wdydwyd?
Jan 16
Ashvin Tadiparthi is now a member of wdydwyd?
Dec 17, 2018
Aidan is now a member of wdydwyd?
Dec 14, 2018
Profile IconShane Melcher and emma stone joined wdydwyd?
Dec 11, 2018
Tuki Magi is now a member of wdydwyd?
Dec 7, 2018
Tatiana Rhodes is now a member of wdydwyd?
Nov 27, 2018
Kate Brown is now a member of wdydwyd?
Oct 31, 2018

© 2019   Created by Tony Deifell.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

unique visitors