It's 2:00AM right now... I honestly do not know why I'm not asleep yet. In the background Tetra Splendour is filling my ears with their nonsensical lyrics... They sound like the distant wailing of happier days, and more meaningful nights. Why did I do what I did that day, that minute, that second, that instant? Why is always the question of the curious, of the downtrodden. But I think the more important question is how. Yes, How? How do I feel right now? How did I feel at that moment? How did I manage to surmount that fear, that propensity to shy away from the bold, that persistent gnawing in the back of my mind?
I believe it was the incessant need to feel again that made me skate down the parking structure; it was the same need to feel that made me give my my favorite film, Cinema Paradiso, to that girl that sat across from me in Russian... I suppose it was my lust for feeling and the sensation of all my senses being tripped that prompted me to ride full speed down a hill on my Chariot of rubber and 1980's 1020 steel, my Motobecane, my bicycle, my beautiful mistress. I wanted everything in my life to feel like a new lover, full of vigor, full of passion.
Right now Gareth Jones is repeating the chorus line, "I don't see her like you do... I don't see her like you do..." And all I can say to Gareth Jones is this, "I think I know what you mean Gareth, all my life It's as if I was looking at the world through a glass darkly... Y de repente, riding down that hill, watching the waves carry away what was going to be my last memories of golden summer, I saw through a speculum that shines.
I still remember the day I first went to the optometrist, when a pair of glasses were first laid on my nose. It was that same feeling; thats the how, I suppose. As for the why, it's because I want to... It's because I don't want to spend my short life looking at the same blurry, faded photo of the olden gods. I do it because I want the world to know that I want to. I want my sunsets to burn with unknown ferocity, and my night air to be magical once more. The albums just played out... and yes, the night is still so young and fresh. But then again sometimes the want to just look through familiar eyes returns once again... Never again.