Do you ever sit and wonder how wonderful life would be if you just passed away? Really think about this: There would be no more pain, no more feelings, you would never worry about your job or friends, living up to others expectations, never having to smile or be someone your not; you would simply be this vessel of water, skin, fat, muscle and bones. And I also believe that the ones you leave behind should not mourne you either, they should realize that this is a fact of life, things happen, and this person who dies is at peace.
They say there are 5 stages of Loss1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.
RATIONALIZE? WHAT IS THERE TO RATIONALIZE, YOUR DEAD.
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
RESENTMENT? DEFINIETLY YOU SHOULD RESENT THAT PERSON; THEY LEFT YOU
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
WELL THIS ONE REALLY DRIVES ME BONKERS, WHAT'S THERE TO BARGAIN WITH HE'S GONE
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
NO ONE CAN REASSURE YOU WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED, NOT EVEN A HUG CAN FIX IT.
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
I decided to wipe that whole acceptance out because I think it should be there; I mean how to do you ever accept the loss of someone you love? It is impossible. They were there once and now they are gone, but what is worse is when they come and go out of your life so often you begin to feel hopeless in all aspects of your life.
I know my words are deep today, but it is my feelings and thoughts on the subject. No one will ever tell me how to feel, or be ever again. I will express whatever, wherever how see fit. I suggest you all do the same. You may not rejoice with happiness for letting out some of these emotions but at least you can say you have control over your life, somewhat.