Okay, that within itself is a lie I feel terrible about my secret inner thoughts and I now people will see this and probably trace me but here's the truth: I am disabled and failed horribly throughout life... I am truly paying for my sins even though there are millions worse off than me... I am tired... God loves me and I keep thinking otherwise... there is a demon deep within me... it is difficult to keep rebuking him with the voices I hear. Everything from self castration and other foolishness for something I've never done and would never do and never even thought of... almost like a totally different person is inside me. I haven't done hardly anything wrong thank Jesus for the cross, but what I would have done if I could have is what haunts me... I praise you Jesus and beg for your forgiveness praise the Lord and the name of Jesus amen.