I am a vampire. Actually, vampires get more regular sleep than I do because at least they get to sleep during the day. I go to bed very late, sometimes never. My number one goal of each year was to go to bed early. Such a determination was, obviously, never successful.
I was born and raised in a tiny little countryside town in Korea. In the class of 500 students, I kept up as the top for the entire elementary and middle school years. After the great awakening that made me aware of those “urban dudes,” however, everything changed. Having been fed with firmly established private education, which is expensive above one’s imagination, those smart little kids were way far ahead of me in the race. My sleepless sprint started that moment.
Whenever I lie on my bed, I felt uneasy. I can’t get out of the obsession: everyone’s ahead of me, and they are escaping even faster. My bed time during high school averaged around 3 to 4 in the morning. Quite often my body could not keep up with my schedule, but only way to comfort myself from the obsession was to stay up and work more than others. Fortunately, years of condensed nights in the U.S. brought me way much farther than I expected, but it was just a matter of time to realize that there are more people up there whom I haven’t even glimpsed of before.
These days I have been realizing that staying up late is not the only or the proper way to deal with this issue. I can feel that my body has been weakened from years of irregular sleeping pattern. I can’t keep myself awake during the day, not excluding lectures. I need to focus more during and day and get some sleep at night!
But… I can’t fall asleep tonight.