... So they can do better than me...

I remember one of my friends asked me “Why do you keep helping people? You happy doing that?” I said “yes.” I don’t know what makes me so sure of that. But I do know that it is what I am here for.

When I was a silly kid, I always wanted to be the best person in the whole world. Now knowing that this is totally impossible, I still try. Not try to be the best one in the world. But the best friend among my friends. Maybe this explains why all my close friends are younger than me. This is so that I can go through things in life before them. So that I can advice them to avoid those stupid mistakes I made. So that they can do better than me.

I admit that there are countless times of selfishness, of envy, and of fear. Fear that I’m being taken advantage of. Fear that I’m giving too much and getting nothing. Fear that friendship after all is just a word. But there are also countable times of joy, of faith. I guess those are what keeps me go on. Seeing them achieving what they wish for, seeing them success, seeing their joyous smiles, listening to them saying “thank you” with all their heart prove to me that what I have always believed in is true.

I guess after all I’m not really helping them. I’m actually helping myself, proving my belief, my thoughts. I guess through helping them, I can actually realize myself, realize my own values, realize my purpose of life, and find reasons (or excuses) to be happy for costly failures and mistakes.

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