As a child, I learned stories from the Bible in my religion class at school, and I never once questioned them. I remember going to Sunday School every week and learning songs about Jesus. Church on Sundays was a part of my family’s routine. It was not something I always looked forward to, but it was something we always did. And until I was older, I thought it was something every family did.
As my siblings and my lives got more complicated, we went to church less frequently. Sometimes we had swim meets or water polo tournaments. But sometimes my older siblings would just not want to go. As I got older and gained more freedom, I no longer had to go to church. The decision was mine. I would find myself going sometimes just to make my parents happy, but I did not enjoy it. Looking back I realize that I never really listened to what was being taught, my mind was always somewhere else.
I watched though, as my older brother and sister began devoting their lives to God. This was a life changing experience for both of them, but it did not happen overnight. It did happen, however, while they were each at college. I was still living at home. At this time I was attending church on holidays with my family and occasional Sundays. I was very intrigued by my sister’s discovery of her faith. As time went on I watched the rest of my family’s faith in God strengthen. I believed in God, I just thought because I had not had that “eye opening experience” yet my faith was not as strong. My desire to learn about Christianity grew stronger from seeing my siblings’ passion.
My senior year of high school I started going to church more with my parents and at this point I wasn’t going for them, I was going for me. Even though I never admitted it to my parents, I enjoyed going. Looking back I realize that I was waiting for something in my life to trigger my faith. I thought that this was sure to happen when I went to college. I figured I would either struggle like my sister did and naturally seek God, or meet someone great that would share their faith with me.
When I started school at UCLA I immediately got wrapped up in the excitement of everything. I had an amazing first quarter. I did not struggle with the adjustment, and I feel so lucky to have found the friends that I did. I rarely thought about God that first quarter because I felt like I did not need him in my life, yet I still considered myself a Christian. Now that doesn’t seem right. Over winter break I went home and attended church with my family and I realized that I may not need God in my life, but I certainly want him in it. For those few weeks I pondered how I was going to do this. I finally admitted to myself how lazy I had been waiting for someone else to help me find God. I decided to start the year of 2011 attending church to get answers and find guidance. Now, the more I learn about God, the more I want to learn and I am so grateful that I was finally able to let down my guard.
Why do I do what I do? Because I want guidance.