To live in reality and with independence

You can't always depend on other people. Being dependent on someone else can backfire on you. When I was young, I saw no problem with my mom being reliant on my dad. Besides cooking and cleaning, my dad did everything else for my mom. She was dependent on him and it made me want a reliant husband just like my dad was to my mom. However, merely as a high school student, I found out that my dad had cheated on my mom. For the longest time, and even up to this date, I hold a grudge against my dad for it. He single handedly ruined his marriage and almost ruined our family.

From then on, it was hard for me to trust and rely on others. I dislike being dependent on others now because I do not want it to backfire on me. I do not want to rely on someone so much that I cannot live without him/her. I need to be independent and take care of myself and also my mom, who wasn't able to do so. As a young child, I was pampered by my parents and never had to do anything. I was treated like a princess: I did not do my own dishes or my own laundry. However, through the college experience, I am slowly learning to live independently and being on my own. Because of that incident, I felt the need to do everything on my own; in the future, I will not be surrounded with my family and friends like I am now. Although I know that not being able to trust anyone is impossible... I just want to be careful on who to trust and to what extent I can trust that person. 

Everything that I do is kind of affected by that situation. I avoid relationships because I fear of becoming too reliant and being in the same situation my mom was in. I do know that not every guy is like my dad, but I just prefer to be cautious and protect myself. However, I do not fully blame my dad for my problem because sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if that had not happened.. and I see myself living in a fairytale world instead of living in reality like I should be.


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