When you spend your whole life in search of something that you know will never come, you must ask yourself: What is the real issue? I have spent years looking for that one thing or that one person to fulfill me and never found it. I am being told that only "YOU" can make yourself happy, "YOU" are supposed to fulfill yourself with joy and happiness. But what happens when you cannot find any happiness or when you do find it and it keeps disappearing out of your life?
It's like a roller coaster ride that won't stop or go away, its like feel sick to your stomach 24/7, like the waves of the ocean that never subside. The roaring thunder and bolts of lightning shattering every path it crosses. This evil feeling of knowing you cannot and will not be in your happy place ever again. What it boils down to; "TRUST".
Trusting people is a very difficult thing, especially trusting yourself. Having a controlled feeling like that is merely impossible. I have never trusted people; ever. The people who have come and gone from my life have all been given so many chances and lost my trust because they have burned my inner soul. I know that is why I feel good one minute and the next I don't. Just as I let people into my life and feel good about something, they let me down and I can't help but wonder why I let them do this. In my opinion I really believe we should not interact with anyone then there is no fear of rejection, no fear of living up to one's expectations, no fear of worrying that you will get shot down for being yourself and certainly not worry about trusting people. At least if you are by yourself, you only have yourself to work on; you may become a victim of self-destruction, but you certainly do not have to answer for your feelings.
Trust that you can face your enemies head on, especially the enemy that lives within you. Be yourself, say how you feel and what you mean. Don't worry that someone is going to shut down that very good in you and certainly try to find the one thing that will bring you back from your lost soul. Talk to yourself, reach that very part you hate looking for. And even if it rips your heart out, keep doing it until you have nothing left to dish out.