If the world ended today, I wouldn’t die the happiest person. I say that in the least morbid sense, and even so the glaring negativity doesn’t take away from the truth of the statement. My life’s greatest meaning remains unveiled. I haven’t found my calling, my paradise on Earth, or a single contender for my beloved soul mate. I have plenty of mistakes to make, lessons to learn, tears to shed, and adventures to embark upon.
Practicality and family values have largely determined my path up until now, and life’s monotony thus far has left me craving spontaneity, unpredictability, and variability. I’ve actively played the role of the golden child and reached many of my goals, but now I realize I may have been mistaken. Were those really and truly my goals to begin with? You can probably answer that question as well as I can because the truth is…I just don’t know.
Luckily I do see the advantages of my perplexity. The biggest being that I have that much more room for growth, exploration, and fulfillment. I don’t know what I want to do, and I am perfectly at peace with that very inconclusive conclusion. I feel that plans create stability as well as a sense of limitations, whereas I desire instability if it entails a wider range of possibilities, from the reasonable to the outlandish.
I’ve always had somewhat of a direction, and now I simply want to embrace the beauty of uncertainty and learn more about my inner workings. I cannot wait until the blessed day I have my "ah-ha!" moment and can fully recognize my own evolution. For the time being, I am excited to experience the world in my own right and channel both the beautiful and not so beautiful into my personal metamorphosis. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and caterpillars don’t transform into butterflies over night.
I do what I do because....
I'm still discovering myself, taking each day as an important part of my learning and growth process.