I am a hyprocite, I admit it and yet I believe there is nothing I can do about it (for now) Being an young 21 year old Asian American living in the heart of Los Angeles may sound very common, typical, and boring but I see things from a different point of view; different in the sense that I try to diversify my views on not only my life but others as well.
I tend to ask myself a lot why I have to go have an education. Sure, President Obama's recent socialistic-speech to the various elementary schools nationwide may sound like it SHOULD answer my question but I want more specific answers (that's right. I think Obama's speech leaves everyone with questions marks above their heads) Many of the most well-known billionaires have dropped out of college and have done well in life (I read this on the Yahoo! front page article), so I wonder why I have to pay for something when I could be earning the big green out there. After some quiet contemplation and consideration, I figured that I did it purely out of meeting my parents' expectation. I did not want to disappoint them so I believed that doing well in school was the key to not only keeping smiles on their faces but also preventing potential sudden health problems happening from hearing me doing bad. Then, I countered my own response with another question: what if I never had parents? What if I had to meet my brother's expectations instead? What if I never had expectations to meet?
One of the main reasons as to why I stay and do well in school is my fear of failure. My start on fully realizing this started in the second grade. As a young boisterous kid, I preferred to do things in imaginative ways, much like how TV and fantasy fiction portrayed their own respective works. When it came to doing literary and reading comprehension problems, I hated it. It came to a point that I fully ignored and stopped doing my reading comprehension homework. I didn't let my parents know because I thought I could get away with it. Boy was I wrong....Come the end of the school quarter, I had received my first N ever (in the current grading system, that equates to an F) and my teacher was forced to contact my parents regarding my neglect to turn in reading comprehension homework. Following the serious confrontation between my parents and my teacher (and the physical punishment I received thereafter), I then began to fear of failing. Sure enough, it may sound similar to the Pavlovian experiments with the dogs salivating but there was a far deeper reason as to why I fear failure.
It was clear to me that I feared being left behind and left alone. If I lagged behind others when it came to progressing in school, I was afraid that I might be held back behind a grade and look like a complete ass. At this time, I also realized another thing: I loved to mix in with the general crowd and trend. If other people who were smart in my grade level were attending certain honor classes or any Gifted and Talented programs, I followed suit. If most people did extra credit work, I did that as well. At that point, these few reasons were purely the driving force for me to stay in school, do well, and, above all, get a good education. However, one may ask why I don't like to stand out or why I don't like to embrace my uniqueness as an individual.
My last and penultimate fear is the fear of the unknown. What would happen IF I didn't get a good education? What would happen if I did make myself stand out above others? Even to this day, I cannot find a clear-cut answer to these specific questions. It is this fear of not knowing how to answer these questions that makes me embrace the value of knowledge, because knowing is the first step to tackling problems in general.
Going back to the main question: why do I do what I do? Aside from meeting expectations, I do what I do for one and only one reason: because I feel like it. I could have done drugs in middle and high school and went done that hell-hole of a path or I could have became a goth and wear black 24/7 but I made life-altering choices, choices that I feel are in my best interest. If there was an important lesson that contemplating these issues taught me, it taught me that what I feel is a more powerful force than any other outside influence. How and what I feel are the driving forces in why I do what I do.