why do i do what i do? because if i don't then everyone will know how truly down i am all the time. i never feel as though i fit in. i'm an outsider to this world and i want to be happy, but i'm not happy. hardly ever. i want one day to be normal again. i haven't been happy in almost a year and i know that if i'm pretend that i'm happy long enough then i will end up actually happy, or at least i will think that i am.