When faced with fear and memories, it is like a big bolt of lightning striking through my body. I cannot see the reality of life only the pain and struggles I endure. There is no bigger fear than losing your mind but for me I would like to see all of my memories go away. I am sad; Christmas is but a week away and it has always been the best time of year for me. I also have a birthday coming and this year it all means nothing. I have lost all spirit, love, happiness and as much as I write about ambition and hope, I can't seem to bring myself to be strong.

My writing is one of the most important thing to me at this present time and it is the only thing that keeps me sane. I am glad that people read my stories and give me comments with positive feedback. It gives me a little inspiration that someday I will heal from this. For Today I am sharing a poem I wrote sometime ago:

I lit a flame today

In hopes to burn the pain away

I feel such pain and sorrow

And know I will be here tomorrow

I do not have wings to fly

All I do is sit and cry

I embrace life with turmoil and despair

Love someone who doesn't care

With every breathe I take

I know his love has been a fake

To rise above a new tomorrow

Where no more love, pain & sorrow

Oh how I wish for thee

To be ever so happy

But just until the end of day

I will write my blues away

-by Cathy PW Belyea

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