Because I don't know what else to do.

There is so much to change, but very little power to do so. It has left me jaded and pessimistic. A little doubtful, cynical and bitter. Perhaps, detached and indifferent. They say to be constructive, to get out there and be active. He said, "Be the change you want to see in the world" but we're not all Mahatmas. Those only come once every so often. Only very few of us are capable of creating such change. It's a loser's mentality, and I'd agree. It seems I agree with everything now to avoid conflict.

To be honest, I don't even know if I know what changes I expected to see anymore. Deep down, however, I know that even if all was fixed in this world, I'd still be the same. And I really don't know why. I guess it's a personality flaw, to find fault in everything, even when it doesn't deserve that sort of punishment. Perhaps some people just enjoy being a bit miserable? I've realized that I have an attraction to tragedies and sad stories. I guess I'm trying to remind myself of emotion.

I don't really know what I want anymore but I know what I wish. I wish we all drew jobs out of a hat. I wish actions were famous, not names. I wish dreams weren't antonymous to reality. I wish everybody were a little more blind and a little more aware. I wish everybody had a voice. I wish everybody stopped to laugh once in awhile. I wish everybody stopped to cry once in awhile. I wish everything wasn't so hit-or-miss. I wish we could all miss from time to time. I wish everybody had as many dreams.

I guess I've moved from wants to wishes because wishes are harmless. To want something could be dangerous, but to wish something is to partly accept that it could never happen. And this way, I'll stay in the same place forever.

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