I challenge myself so that I can feel. I exercise so that in the morning my muscles ache and my joints hurt. My life is a test and my answer is a suit of armor. I wear this armor so that I can face my challenges. I need this armor to be who I am. But who am I?
Realistically, I am an eighteen-year-old biology major at UCLA who aspires to become a doctor. But it is this dream that began changing me into who I am. I am one of those few people who have trouble simply enjoying life. I live in the future instead of the present. I see every decision in terms of rewards and consequences. Eating dinner with my floor will allow me to meet new friends but will take more time than if I were to eat alone. I cannot spontaneously act or decide. Everything I do has to be done in a systematic and logical manner, but why?
I guess I wear this armor to be immune to fickle decisions and haphazard impulses made on the spur of the moment. Or maybe I wear this mask so that I can justify and qualify every decision I make. But most importantly, I wear this mask because I think it will allow me to be successful. I feel that I have been given a set of expectations I must achieve. Yet, here at college, I am learning that there is much more to life than grades and degrees. Few days ago, I played Frisbee until four o’ clock in the morning with my floor mates. In terms of consequences, I was extremely tired the next day, but what I could not imagine was how much fun I had; I really bonded with my friends.
So now, I am beginning to look at life without always peering through a mask. There is more to life than the final results. I hope that I can slowly begin to enjoy my time at college without always thinking about my next step, my next move, and my future.