Getting hurt by someone you love can tear you apart. The trust is broken, the life altered, the body left emotionless. The connection that was once a mutual feeling becomes a mere figment of the past. The love that was there just diminishes away and you are left alone, forced to fight off the pain by yourself. This is, however, an aspect of life. People come and people go. They take what they want from you and move on to do the same to the next person, and the next, until they’re hearts are satisfied. There is no telling when someone will do this or why but it happens and people leave.
Love is an extremely tricky game. You have to go with your gut and trust in the way the cards play out. Someone might advance a lot faster than you in this game but they are considered the ones with “luck”. I am terrified of this game. I have none of this so called luck. The cards never play out well for me. And my gut always happens to be wrong. My past experiences have left me a nonbeliever in the wonderful feeling of love.
For over two years, I was in the most serious relationship. Yeah, we had our ups and downs but we would talk about marriage. This was a topic I was fearful of in the beginning but once I was comfortable talking about it and felt the same, I knew it was a real connection that I had found. This was until it just ended. My heart had grown deeply in love and for all I knew, he felt the same way but my game was going downhill for sure. My “luck” had just disappeared. My cards were getting all mixed up. My gut had turned out to be blind. I fell apart. My life became meaningless and I realized what had happened, I was hurt by the one person I trusted most. The one that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with left and I was forced to fend for myself after being so deeply in love. Trusting is a dangerous part of this love game and can come back to haunt you so I’ve learned not to trust as easily. I protect myself from being torn down by the ones I love the most.
So you ask why do I do what I do? The answer is because I don't want to get hurt anymore.
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