I fear living a life in solitude. I would do anything to prevent loosing a friend even if it means masking my emotions or putting others before myself. Until I can satisfy their needs, then will I be happy with myself. I do what I do so I wont have to sit alone waiting for someone. Pleasing others and knowing that I have not yet disappointed them is what I do. The last thing I want is for my friends to loose faith in me, unable to find me reliable or hold a promise. Everyone wants to be apart of something special. If I can keep my friends close, then I would not have to confront my fear.
I guess to others, the expectation of myself may come across as living my life for others and not myself, but I do understand that my needs are still important. Consider this a weakness and strength. It is a weakness because I loose focus on myself, but a strength because seeing others happy eventually makes me happy. It all goes in hand that I want to please everyone so they wont abandon me. If I can lend them any helping hand, maybe I will receive the same help back.
So if you ask me again “Why do I do what I do?”, my answer would be, “because if I wait to long, no one will show up”. I rather make the effort to keep my friendships strong than wait for someone to approach me. That is how I avoid being lonely; keeping others happy even if it means having to be the bigger person who has to apologize for a stupid argument. That is why I do what I do. To make other happy, making me happy, which keep me in the arms of company.
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