because i'm indecisive

[Lina Korer]

I do what I do because I currently do not know what else to do. Honestly I’m just going with the flow right now, I have no actual direction.  I have recently come to the realization that my life is kind of mediocre. Yet I do not know how to make it have some meaning. I’m scared for the future and feel like I am not living up to my family’s expectation.  I feel that they place me on a pedestal that I do not deserve to be on but I still try to work hard to remain on it. I just want to make my family proud but I’m just scared I won’t be able to do that if I don’t anything worthwhile with my life.  Maybe I need to reconsider what I want to do with my life and not care what other people think. It would be nice to say that I do what I do because I just love it so much.  I just do not know what it is that I truly love. I also want to do something in life that will allow me to live comfortably. Money should not be a priority but in reality we need money, it makes the world go round. I want some sort of stability in my life, I want to be able to take care of myself and my parents in their old age. I want some sort of independence to take care of myself when I get older and right now I think going to law school to become a lawyer is a way to achieve that.  Unfortunately the problem is that I’m scared that I will not like that route. Do I really want to spend three years of my life at school for something that I might potentially hate? But I could end up truly loving it. It’s these “what ifs” in life that make me uneasy because I don’t want to waste my time doing things that are unnecessary. It seems that I need to figure out what I truly want in my life. I think a better answer of why I do what I do is because I’m indecisive.