Fear of Life

Seven decades ago, my grandma applied to college. She lied about her age for fear that she was too old. Having jumped through hoops trying to get a college education as a female during the early 20th century in Asia, I don’t want to take college for granted. Education is a requirement in my family.

 

Despite having more opportunities than my grandma, I fear that I will never live up to my family’s expectations and disappointment my family.

 

I simply strive to do what it is expected of me. I must graduate from college because anything less, would be a failure. As one of the youngest children in my generation,  I feel that I must live up to the successes of my brother and cousins.

 

Although I believe that I can be more productive with my time, the possible embarrassment of wasting that time and failing in life prevent me from doing more. I would rather let my grade suffer than put myself out there with the possibility of being ridiculed.

 

I am lazy. I am too lazy to care about outfit, so I constantly wear sweats. In reality, I don’t wear sweats simply for the comfort, but rather, I cannot make a decision on what to wear. I fear that my decision will open me up to criticism. I fear being wrong.

 

I am indecisive. I struggle not only to make fashion decisions, but also life decisions. Decisions bear with it the possibility of a wrong choice. I am scared that any choice I make will be criticized and disappoint my parents. I fear that I am not good enough, that I am not as smart as the other kids, and that I won’t be as successful as my peers. My life is driven by fear-the fear that I will be a failure in life.

 

The choices I make in life define who I am as person, but they do not define my family’s love. I realize that it is okay for me to be wrong, it is okay to have fear, but eventually that fear must be overcome.
Votes: 0
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of wdydwyd? to add comments!

Join wdydwyd?


unique visitors