self - Written Answers - wdydwyd?2024-03-29T01:11:04Zhttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/feed/tag/selfForgetting The Memorieshttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/forgetting-the-memories2009-12-16T11:30:03.000Z2009-12-16T11:30:03.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>When faced with fear and memories, it is like a big bolt of lightning striking through my body. I cannot see the reality of life only the pain and struggles I endure. There is no bigger fear than losing your mind but for me I would like to see all of my memories go away. I am sad; Christmas is but a week away and it has always been the best time of year for me. I also have a birthday coming and this year it all means nothing. I have lost all spirit, love, happiness and as much as I write about ambition and hope, I can't seem to bring myself to be strong.My writing is one of the most important thing to me at this present time and it is the only thing that keeps me sane. I am glad that people read my stories and give me comments with positive feedback. It gives me a little inspiration that someday I will heal from this. For Today I am sharing a poem I wrote sometime ago:I lit a flame todayIn hopes to burn the pain awayI feel such pain and sorrowAnd know I will be here tomorrowI do not have wings to flyAll I do is sit and cryI embrace life with turmoil and despairLove someone who doesn't careWith every breathe I takeI know his love has been a fakeTo rise above a new tomorrowWhere no more love, pain & sorrowOh how I wish for theeTo be ever so happyBut just until the end of dayI will write my blues away-by Cathy PW Belyea</div>Arguments: Saying what you meanhttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/arguments-saying-what-you-mean2009-12-15T10:30:00.000Z2009-12-15T10:30:00.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div><p style="text-align:left;"><img src="{{#staticFileLink}}9482030675,original{{/staticFileLink}}" alt="" /></p>Why do people argue over the smallest thing? Does it make them feel better, more powerful, or are they just frustrated over things that really mean something to them?I have never been able to verbally express my feelings, my angry or hurt feelings that is and I sometimes envy those that can. But most people I have met or know argue by using extreme yelling and screaming. I have been single for over 1 ½ years and not by choice. However, in the time spent in that relationship, we have never argued. Reason being? I would simply run away from that sort of situation. I could never bring myself to vent out the emotions of anger, anxiety, frustrations in front of the one I love.I usually leave it all inside or cry about it. I could never see saying something so verbal when it might hurt the other person’s feelings. I guess it was because I feared that if I did that they would just leave and not understand where these feelings were coming from.I keep wondering why do people in relationships argue over the smallest thing? At that moment in time, I am sure they don’t remember what it was like to be alone, not having anyone to argue with or share their feelings with but why can’t people just enjoy each other when they have someone?I think I have had an eye opener; Anyone I have ever tried to get close too, or have feelings for has either never accepted me for who I am or never sat there long enough to listen to me. They would either judge me, or make some sarcastic remark about my feelings, makes you wonder why I never trusted anyone. I did once, and he too broke my heart in the most profound way. And now here I am writing this in hopes to open my heart again or at least get a grip on where I went wrong in life. I need to find myself again. I need to learn how to say what I mean and feel when I am feeling it, in that time and moment and trust that person standing there will listen and still be standing there when I am done.Remembering to never under estimating the power of love, it can kill you mentally, emotionally and lose your soul.</div>Acceptance vs Change: Is it really important?https://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/acceptance-vs-change-is-it2009-12-14T10:41:33.000Z2009-12-14T10:41:33.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>Do we accept who we are or are we constantly trying to change? Humans, men and women alike are always trying to evolve into something else. From the time we are born, we are conditioned to make something of ourselves and grow with the rest of the world. We follow rules and regulations and at times find determination to slip through the cracks. But what happens when you become something you are not?What if for just one day everyone would change who they are in the present time? Would this world be different? Would this world and structured life we live in be turned into kaos or would everyone really be happy with their decisions? My mind was on a particular person this morning how this person had changed his life to satisfy another. He thought it was the right thing to do; only to find out, it has damaged so many people along the way and especially himself. His self-esteem has been crushed and he will forever be regretful for his choices.For some, this is nothing new. I know quite a lot of individuals who make drastic changes to themselves and their environment to please other people. They make these changes and in the end only lose their inability to open up to people after they have been silenced from pain, suffering and feelings of anger. They can no longer find that inner peace for themselves, become so insecure with all that surrounds them that the days go by and they miss their chance for happiness and understanding by the ones that truly love them.My question to you today: If you could make one change in your life what would it be?Remember, when making that change would you have lived your life according to plan or would there be other disappointments along the way that would have taken on a whole new meaning? Would you be who you are today and would you be happy? or Just content?</div>My Mystery Behind My Beliefshttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/my-mystery-behind-my-beliefs2010-02-16T10:53:02.000Z2010-02-16T10:53:02.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div><p style="text-align:left;"><img width="721" style="width:392px;height:320px;" alt="" src="{{#staticFileLink}}9482029878,original{{/staticFileLink}}" height="320" /></p><p style="text-align:left;">When I think back at my life, I think: "Was it all worth it?"</p><p>I have written many words and blogs over the last year, all about my relationships, my feelings on love and have interacted many new friends online. Inspiring as some were, I often wonder how or where my thoughts come from. I never understood why it is I could never pinpoint the real reason for my existence and how important it was for me to be defined. Yesterday, for the first time in a month, I was proud of myself. I created what I feel is a masterpiece, a little bit of heaven to show the world how great I really am. Am I looking for approval? Greatness? Gratification? And Why?</p><p>I need this in my life; for better or worse, I need to know people love me and find me at least interesting if not a great person. Telling someone they are special is one thing, but I believe showing them is better. I truly believe love defines and alters our lives, whether good or bad, we can learn from being loved.</p><p>My search for love ended almost 5 years ago and what I thought would be magnificant turned out to be empty. The word "EMPTY" being, I was filling up someone else with all my love and never getting it in return. Is this really love? I am not sure. It is said that if you love and give you will get back 10 fold what you put into it. I can not say I believe this. However, does this mean I should give up on LOVE?</p><p>Stay tuned.</p></div>REJECTION: Reality or Vitality?https://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/rejection-reality-or-vitality2009-12-09T11:00:00.000Z2009-12-09T11:00:00.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>The definition of rejection: "to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, and take for some purpose"The definition of pain: "An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder"<p style="text-align:left;"><img src="{{#staticFileLink}}9482030055,original{{/staticFileLink}}" alt="" /></p>What I see in this by definition is the same thing. To refuse is unpleasant sensation what someone does not want to give, share, or even attempt to make you happy. Our world is filled with all kinds of despair and rage; the worst part is most people when for only a moment in time can feel happy only to be shot down more and more; you become the victim of these two words. I truly believe I am the victim and although I have worked so hard at become a better person; there is still that edge where I can easily fall again.No one should make you feel like you are a nobody that you could be that carpet you walk on everyday and no one notices. No one has the right to inflict pain onto you; no one has the right to use every part of your heart and mind, manipulating you in a way you don't even understand anymore. I know at least a few people who do this, whether they are aware of it or not. I was told once that people who hurt you, not only because you let them but it is because they themselves have something lying inside, hurt or pain and they then inflict it on others. I only wish that these people would realize how much damage one can cause doing this.How do you become strong and resist this rejection and pain? You work at it; don't expect miracles in one week, or a month, it's a learned behaviour. You have to work at it all the time, everyday of your life. I am a prime example, I work at this everyday but am very susceptible, on the edge lets say, and I still feel crushed when someone injects me with pain.To you I wish today: Find that strength to build a better you because in the end, you and you alone are standing by yourself.</div>Be not afraid of Yesterday, Today or Tomorrowhttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/be-not-afraid-of-yesterday2010-02-13T12:34:46.000Z2010-02-13T12:34:46.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div><p>Why do some of us when living in a tragic situation, live in the past? Are we so consumed with the familiar that it scares us to go into the unknown?</p><p>I have been asked that question many times but for me, going into the unknown has always been a big part of my life. I am not afraid to take on new challenges or make alterations to my life. I have always been adventurous and different than most people I know. I was never scared to start something new, or move on to a new life; I have done it many many times. I believe that was one of my biggest flaws, truth be told, when I was faced with something tragic and fearful, instead of facing the issues and dealing with them, I would run away, start fresh and because of that leaving it in the past, I never faced the reality of the situation. This is the first time in my life, where I have not been able to move on and I am facing the unknown for the first time.</p><p>Coming to realize that, I believe that is why I do not move on, I am living in my moment. Although these moments of grief, hurt, pain, sorrow are very difficult, I know that it is bringing out the better person in me. The one who will learn and flourish in the end to a better relationship with everyone. I can be sure that because of my new experience of a bad relationship, I will have discovered how to be with myself, alone, hear my voice and never let anyone side track my thinking or my beliefs. I have lost that person whom used to stand up for what she believed in and losing that is the scariest part of who I am.</p><p>Therefore, my loving one man unconditionally was the best thing that could have ever happened. Free yourself today, remember yesterday and look forward to you in the new tomorrow.</p></div>Looking through the eyes of a childhttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/looking-through-the-eyes-of-a2010-02-11T11:20:05.000Z2010-02-11T11:20:05.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div><p>Do you sometimes forget the importance of life? The smaller things that used to make you laugh?</p><p>Yesterday, I was reminded of that and made me realize how fast life has flown by. We miss the value of living, the moments when time stands still and for some reason we take advantage of that. Is it ever to late? Never!!!</p><p><strong><em>Example:</em></strong> A Child; how does he or she perceive life? <strong><em>Simple</em></strong>. They learn, they watch but they also use simple terms and simple phrases. They don’t try to impress, or feel obliged to make someone proud. They are within themselves, they see the world with no kaos, no pain, no suffering. And children see light in everything.</p><p>Children also tell it like it is; they don’t try to deceive you, or give you a “fib” story(well for the most part), they just say what is on their minds. As adults, we learn with time, that there are values and respect that must be obeyed and for the most part I believe we all know these rules but if only we could take a moment once in while and pretend we were children again.</p><p><em>Imagine yourself as a child: What would you do or say that you could not as an adult?</em></p></div>Listening: Do you know how?https://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/listening-do-you-know-how2010-02-05T11:09:33.000Z2010-02-05T11:09:33.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div><blockquote style="margin-right:0px;" dir="ltr"><p>I used to fear speaking up for whatever I stood for, or telling someone how I felt about something they had said that may have offended me. Perfect example: Yesterday, I had a small accident with my school bus. Embarassing as I feel about telling this story, I have a point to make.</p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote style="margin-right:0px;" dir="ltr"><p>Most people would react by saying: “Oh my , Are you alright? Are their children with you, are they fine?” RIGHT? Well, when the safety officer arrived on the scene, she never once acknowledged ME, never took any regard for the way I was feeling right in that moment. Her thoughts were totally focused on the bus, and where it was sitting; IN THE DITCH. I sat here last night thinking, how could this woman work for a company totally based on the safety of children and drivers and not even once ask me if I was ok. I could be one of these people that hides their feelings very well, I could have been in shock, or just plain upset that I was an idiot for going in the ditch.</p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote style="margin-right:0px;" dir="ltr"><p>However, this morning I face a review and I thought to myself, instead of letting it eat at me, I will speak up and let her know how I feel. I realize it was a preventable accident, however, my feelings are not preventable. I was for the most part very upset and angry at myself for not evaluating the situation better and felt very stupid for putting myself in the ditch. The least she could have done was acknowledge me.</p><p>Moral is, whether it’s an intimate relationship with another person, or a coworker, or a family member or even a friend, never stop yourself from speaking out your feelings. If someone puts you down, tell them how you feel; if someone is hurting you, tell them how you feel; and if no one even acknowledges your feelings for doing a great job, then speak out to someone who will understand.</p></blockquote><p>I want to thank those (Ben, My Stepmom, Amanda) who were there to listen to me yesterday. I appreciate the time they took to acknowledge and listen to my frustrations.</p></div>DISCOVER WHO YOU AREhttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/discover-who-you-are2010-02-04T11:11:25.000Z2010-02-04T11:11:25.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>I am working on my last chapter of my book and I have decided that I was going to look back and see what it is exactly that brought me to this day. Meaning, I wanted to know why my relationships failed. I started reading the first three chapters of the first book, my first thought was how hard it was to go back and read that again. I never realized how deep and profound my writing was when I was at rock bottom. However, taking notes and analizing all details, I have realized one thing:Out of all the relationships I have ever had, I was never MYSELF!!!In the beginning, Yes I was, that is probably what attracted these men to me, I was fun, adventurous, spontaneous, and I really didn't care about what people thought. But for some reason as the relationships grew, I became a form of what they expected me to be. The change was always so drastic, that is when i starting losing who I was. It made me realize as well, why did I have to do that? This is why I was never happy, I couldn't be myself around these men and for what? Because I feared losing them? Look where that got me.If I was really afraid that maybe they wouldn't accept me for me, then why did they love me in the first place?Today, I am proud to announce, I have discovered myself. I will no longer be a victim of someone's flaws or dictation. I WILL BE ME.</div>Do you really want to be rescued?https://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/do-you-really-want-to-be-12010-02-02T10:08:37.000Z2010-02-02T10:08:37.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div><p style="text-align:left;"><img src="{{#staticFileLink}}9482029090,original{{/staticFileLink}}" alt="" /></p>Remember when we used to read the fairy tells about ” Once upon a time…” and we all figured some prince would come rescue us. Well, as we all know as we grow up, this never happens. I think and believe that is one of the main reasons relationships fail; for the most part. I firmly believe that it takes two people to make a relationship work and when one or the other doesn’t do their part, we are doomed. Do woman and men really want to be rescued? My question: YES! We all in some way want a person to come to our aid, love us for who we are, accept our defects and be with us for the rest of our lives. We want to be nurtured but also be able to stand on our own and enjoy other things that make us happy. Right?I don’t pretend to be an expert, of course, look at the book I wrote about my failed relationships. But I have learned a lot over the years and for once in my life I know exactly what is real and what is fairy tale. So in the future to come, whether I am with someone or not, I will always love myself first, be there for my family and kids and if I should ever find my “So called Prince charming” again, may he accept my shortcomings, my insecurities and love me not matter what.</div>Do you really want to be rescued?https://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/do-you-really-want-to-be2010-01-31T12:44:25.000Z2010-01-31T12:44:25.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>Remember when we used to read the fairy tells about " Once upon a time..." and we all figured some prince would come rescue us. Well, as we all know as we grow up, this never happens. I think and believe that is one of the main reasons relationships fail; for the most part. I firmly believe that it takes two people to make a relationship work and when one or the other doesn't do their part, we are doomed. Do woman and men really want to be rescued? My question: YES! We all in some way want a person to come to our aid, love us for who we are, accept our defects and be with us for the rest of our lives. We want to be nurtured but also be able to stand on our own and enjoy other things that make us happy. Right?I don't pretend to be an expert, of course, look at the book I wrote about my failed relationships. But I have learned a lot over the years and for once in my life I know exactly what is real and what is fairy tale. So in the future to come, whether I am with someone or not, I will always love myself first, be there for my family and kids and if I should ever find my "So called Prince charming" again, may he accept my shortcomings, my insecurities and love me not matter what.</div>Showing Gratitudehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/showing-gratitude2009-12-28T12:45:10.000Z2009-12-28T12:45:10.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>Do you ever wonder how you can really thank someone for being in your life?Most people would buy a gift, show affection, verbally express their love, or perform a gesture that only that person may understand. When I want to show my gratitude for something someone has done for me, I simply do something for them in return. It fills me with joy to do things in a big way but along the years I have also learned that doing smaller things is also effective. I believe giving and receiving can be very rewarding if one truly understands the meaning behind it.In the last four days, I was shown more love and compassion than I have felt over the last few years and to me that is like that unconditional love I so firmly believe in. Someone special paid attention and for that I am grateful. "Thank you, Jack".</div>Coldplay, Quarters, and Self-Reflectionhttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/coldplay-quarters-and2009-11-29T04:01:02.000Z2009-11-29T04:01:02.000ZKatherinehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/Katherine<div>As I sit here and listen to the conversations taking place in the space around me, it makes me wonder: what goes through a person's mind?Spencer: an intelligent, hyperactive, yet personable student is entertaining himself by alternating Coldplay songs, which he chooses to shamelessly sing in falsetto; I envy his carelessness and comfortability around others.Lucas: across from Spencer, makes conversation between Geometry problems with those around him; he appears to be uncharictaristically quiet and reserved today, an odd change from his usually loud and projected demeanor; I am intrigued to understand the reasoning to this.Lydia and Sarah: in the front of the room, discussing the criminal mistakes of modern clothing, the dos and don'ts to fashion; I can not bring myself to become interested in their drivel.Andrew: behind Lydia and Sarah, spending his time spinning a quarter on his desk and mumbling half-formed sentences to himself; I find myself wondering what state the quarter is from, what the other halves of his sentences are.Yet as I look around, I see no one doing as I do; observing, and intrigued. Why is it that I seem to always be the odd one out? Always watching and processing, never doing or interacting. By this point, I have moved from concerning myself with the dissection of others' thoughts to that of my own.Because out of everyone, I understand myself the very least.</div>Miracle on Guy Streethttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/miracle-on-guy-street2009-12-24T11:08:16.000Z2009-12-24T11:08:16.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>People dream impossible dreams, I have but one.I want the love of my life in my arms for Christmas. I want him to tell me he loves me, that everything will be ok.I want him to build my beautiful home with the tractor in the back yard and have all my children with me for Christmas.No more lies, no more tears, no more pain.I want to find the love in his heart as he once had for me.I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me how special I am to him and mean it.I love you deeply Jack, here me feel me</div>How Much Time Do You Have?https://wdydwyd.ning.com/profiles/text/how-much-time-do-you-have2009-12-06T13:37:24.000Z2009-12-06T13:37:24.000Zwinniehttps://wdydwyd.ning.com/members/winnie<div>There is a wonderful movie I have called "The Bucket List" and it inspires people to think about time. If you found out today that you only had 6 months to live what would you do with that time? Do people put so much emphasis on waiting for something that we do not consider the time that is wasting wondering what is around the corner?If I look at the last year of my life, it isn't that I have so much wasted time but for me time has stood still. I went about my daily routine, work, home, children but there was always this thought of waiting for the love. When you hit rock bottom and you realize time has stood still, do you hope for a future or do you just stand still. I know some people who will not and do not live every moment like it is their last. They go about their daily business but are always sitting on the edge waiting for something better to come along, or waiting for something magical to happen like it is there and they need some kind of reassurance that the life they have is not enough.When you reach a certain age, you start to ask yourself have I fully lived the life that I have wanted? Or am I still waiting for something big to happen?I think people are afraid to live, to experience the precious moments they have, live on the edge because they are afraid of disappointment. What they do not realize is they are missing the point of living in the moment; TIME will not wait for you, you have to make TIME to live. You cannot wander into your mind and say: "What if?' You have to grab TIME by balls and explore all possibilities. If you do something that feels good, then why not keep doing that? If you are with someone who really makes you happy and you are accepted in every way possible why would you not want to be with that person? Enjoy the TIME you have with those people who matter most. Because tomorrow may never come.</div>