I do what I do in search of my “element.” My dad once asked me “Brock, what drives you?” and the only thing I could say is “I don’t know, I really don’t.” It was then that I really began trying to figure out an answer to my father’s question. I believe that everyone has an element, a place where they feel the most comfortable. An element doesn’t necessarily mean a concrete place, but can also be an activity or a state of mind. For some people it’s home, for others its playing football; it can even be the alone time one has after class, but it is my own element I am unsure of. To find this “element” takes a certain amount of self concept, a real idea of who you are as an individual. Some people know exactly who they are and where they belong, and thus they are able to see where they fit, their elements. I am most positive that I have not yet found my element, and the problem with not knowing who I am and where I fit is that I never feel authentic. I sometimes feel that I am putting on a show or not being myself because in oder to be my self I would have to have a better take on who I am. I often play the jester, always joking around and acting like a fool because I like the response I get from doing so, but I do feel that I am not being genuine when I do this. I feel that maybe my true self is much more laid back and solemn than I usually behave. A thought that commonly runs through my head is “do your peers have a better idea of who you are than you do?” and its sad for me to have realized that this statement holds some accuracy. I suppose the only thing I can really do is keep on doing what I am doing, or possibly stop doing what I am doing and start doing something else, until I find my element.
Comments