Discontentment is the means of change. Before college, my life was a checklist of expectations given to me by my parents. My mom would have so many expectations for me to meet with consequences if the expectations were not met, and this was when the seed of discontentment was planted. Back then I did what I did out of fear but now it has come to a point where I can and need to make my decisions for myself in order to succeed in the future. There is no point in pursuing what my mom wants because soon it is going to be me living in a life independent of my parents, and I would then really need to ask myself the questions ‘wdydwyd’ in order to fully develop into my true self because if not, I would be living someone else’s life. In high school and the years before that, I was living in the mold my parents had set for me. I always lived in the shadow of my academically excellent sister, Debbie. It was the cookie cutter academic life with straight A’s and the most prominent student awards as the norm. I was never able to explore the more artistic side of life because that path was more risky. With academics, whatever happened, there would always be a safety net. I wanted to explore the more dangerous side. It has always been in my nature to do what I want in the present and not care about the future, which is a risky mentality. This is not at all stables, but it has a more rewarding outcome if it comes out successful.
So I have come to the conclusion that I do half the things I do out of semi-selfish reasons. I grew resent for the things I was forced to do. Reflecting on the question, ‘wdydwyd’, I realized how self centered my actions have become. I do things at my discretion and what I believe will benefit me, therefore being able to prove my individuality. I feel that I owe it to myself to make up for all the years I couldn’t satisfy my own interests as an individual.
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