I refuse to be defined by my failures and mistakes.

[Jennifer Kuo]

High school was a bad experience, and I’m learning to correct the mistakes I regret making. Loose ends were never something I was good at dealing with. I’ve always felt like I’ve had to finish whatever I completed. Maybe that was just my inherent nature coming from an Asian background, but I liked the sense of completion. I joined the marching band when I entered high school because that was the sensible thing to do after coming out of band in middle school and I planned on completing all four years. The band experience wasn’t what attracted me. I enjoyed making music, and I felt like band was as good of an outlet as any other, with a bonus of a community. As the years went by, the experience started changing and I started dreading the daily practices, the routine, and the disappointment of working hard and not being rewarded in competitions. I didn’t really connect with the people in my section either, yet I stayed involved in it, and I became a leader my senior year. Band was just one of my many commitments and not one of high priority, even though it took the biggest chunk of my time. That was mistake number one. I invested time in something that I was not passionate about. I felt stuck to it because I had committed already, and I was afraid to change the status quo. Mistake number two was letting my busy schedule take over my life to the point where I wasn’t able to commit time as a leader. I was called out that year by my band director, and he flat out told me that I was a failure, and would never become a good leader.  Those exact words. Encouraging, right? That’s when my entire façade in my mind fell through, and I realized that I wasn’t able to balance everything like I thought I could and I wasn’t living the life that I wanted. I now know that I need to choose into the things that I can manage and am committed to investing in. My time is spent learning academically, questioning in research, and learning to live life amongst others in a life-giving way. Why do I do what I do? I refuse to be defined by failure and mistakes.