I Want To Get Out of My Room

When I was in sixth grade I was diagnosed with depression.  My body hurt, I had headaches every day, and even though I slept for hours I was always tired.  I went to at least ten different doctors and was poked and prodded until it seemed like there were no other tests that the doctors could give me.  Before my final diagnosis I was put on depression pills that just made me sleep more.  Then on the final test multiple doctors diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and not depression.  It was great to finally hear that I was not faking the pain for attention, that my pain was actually real.  It was even better when I went off my heavy dose of medication.  So from then on I decided to be happy.  I do happy, I guess you can say.  I stay positive in everything I approach because that is better than being a depressed girl alone in a small room.   During that year life felt like nothing because I could not do anything, it was like I was numb.  Once off medication I felt so good to be able to be reintroduced to the world that all I wanted to to do was feel every bit of it.  The good and the bad hit me but I loved it all, so my positive attitude stuck around.  So after my year of lock down I joined the water polo team.  I liked to swim and I needed to get outside of my dumb room with whale murals on the wall.  So I joined the TRAP water polo team.  The girls were so nice and the coach so motivating.  I craved going to practice so I could work my hardest and impress my coach.  Because I wanted to be proud of something I could do, especially after a whole year of people telling me I could not do anything because of my “depression.”  So I worked by butt off to prove to myself, my doctors, and my coach that I was better than a needy girl on meds.  I wanted to prove that I was a happy girl who could hold her own.  And I continued to hold my own with water polo and school so I was recruited to UCLA to play water polo.  All of this happened because I wanted to be happy and out of my room.      

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