I never realized what I was missing out on. In high school, my life revolved around getting straight A’s – I wouldn’t hang out with friends the night before a test, I would turn down eating dinner out with my family if I had homework, I would lose sleep if I were getting a “B” in class. My entire life had been geared toward getting into a good college and living up to everyone’s expectations of me. Even elementary school was fraught with demands from my family. If I wasn’t awarded “Student of the Month” every year, I must be doing something wrong. If I was not performing above grade-level on my math tests, I could not go outside to play until I practiced multiplication for an hour. If I didn’t get 100% on my spelling tests, my mom would make me flashcards I had to learn before the next test. I understand that my parents only wanted the best for their smart little girl, but I never became anything more than the “smart little girl.”
A friend once made an acronym of my name: Kind, Intelligent, Nice, Ice-cream lover. The last one isn’t even a real adjective! What I really wanted was Kreative – because nothing good starts with “K” - Inspirational, Not afraid to take chances, Incredible.
College became my chance to reinvent myself. Everyone at UCLA was the “smart kid,” so no one was, making it easier for me to become who I wanted. I was free to change, with no judgmental whispers from old friends and classmates, no disappointment raining down from my parents.
My first year of college, I would periodically ask myself, “Am I happy with the person I am becoming?” and the answer was always yes. I became more social, increasing my number of good friends to grow past the two I had in high school. I have been free to make my own mistakes - and even though some are embarrassing, such as getting kicked out of a nightclub and getting written up - my answer has remained the same – yes.
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