Every moment of each day there is always something for me to worry about. Whether it is those midterms coming up next week, or that boy whose heart I have to break or that boy I want to pursue, or that very troubled friend going through so much, or that possible more than friend, or my aging parents that I have to make proud, or my judgmental Christian grandparents, or that dance team I want to try out for next year, or finding those internships to gain experience and fill up my resume, or catching up on school units, or surviving at a school where everyone around me but me is a genius, or figuring out what I want to do with my life, or simply worrying about this writing assignment…
The pressures and expectations surrounding me live with me every day and are what drive me to keep going, to keep living.
The reason I complete my assignments is because I cannot procrastinate and I cannot procrastinate because I worry too much. I am in the major partly because I want to be in it but also because I worry about the concept of being undeclared. I have set high expectations in my future boyfriend/husband because I worry about not being happy and getting my heart broken. I don’t tell my parents everything because I worry they won’t understand and will see me as a failure. I hide my feelings from everyone because I worry what people will think of me if I were to have spoken them out loud. I am extremely nice because I worry that I might otherwise hurt someone if I was mean. I dance not only because it’s fun but because I worry that without dance I will not be fit and cannot function to the best of my ability…and the list goes on and on.
I cannot help but worry.
Worrying has grown to be a constant part of my life. Worrying has gotten me to where I am. Worrying makes me strive for more in everything I do. Worrying keeps me on the right track to a successful and better future. Worrying keeps me from saying the wrong thing and from doing the wrong thing. Worrying is my life.
So why do I do what I do? Because worrying defines me.
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