My answer seems to fit more to the question why do I do what I DON’T do. When thinking about what I do I come to a blank. The thoughts that do fill my head are all the things I wish I did but I simply don’t or haven’t yet. For example, being a fairly typical girl the first thing that comes to my mind is love and relationships. I’m the kind of person who dreams and hopes to meet that certain guy, yet does little to make it happen. I am a reserved person who hides my emotions to those whom I should be sharing them with. As the phrase goes, you always want what you can’t have. And of course I always seem to focus on what I want not what I have.
I know I have accomplished my fair share of achievements but for some reason they don’t seem very important to me. I love most of what I do such as being in a sorority or being a student at UCLA. However, I feel like I am lacking is a sense of meaning and purpose in the world. When asked what is my calling, dreams, or passion, I don’t know the answer. I have always hoped that one day I’ll figure it all out but maybe that’s not how it works. That “one day” does not occur, rather I shouldn’t be waiting to live my life. I wait in the line of life while others pass me by. I consider myself to be considerate yet that’s just a nice term for letting others walk over me. I hide the truth so I don’t seem crazy. I bottle it inside to keep from being pushed away. I keep my thoughts silent to make other comfortable. I guard my heart because it’s empty and hurt. I unconsciously stop myself from doing things that in my heart I want to do but my mind just has a big red stop sign.
There is no simple answer to my question. There are a million excuses at any given moment, but no solid truth to the way I don't act.
Comments