News flash: Being a helicopter parent is not good.

[Kylie Wilson]

 

Damn helicopter parents to hell.

 

Did I excel in what I was pushed to do?

Yes.

Did I enjoy it?

 F*ck no.

 

I am here, a living, breathing human without feeling a reason for being. Trying to find out “who I am.” With a Dad who didn’t get into medical school and lives vicariously through his daughter, hoping she will revive his failed dreams.

 

 Life to this point is blurry. Childhood is remembered as following dad’s orders. Never good enough. Majority of memories involving yelling followed by heavy tears of helplessness, of failure, and sadness.

 

“He just cares about you, so much. He loves you.” Bull shit. He loves the idea of controlling everything.

Barely holding on. Barely thinking straight on a day-to-day basis.

 

HAPPINESS.

 

Really, it’s all I want. It isn’t something that can just be flaunted; for me, it’s fake.

 

I want happiness. I NEED to feel like the world will not spontaneously explode if Kylie Wilson does not excel in everything.

 

SURFING.

 

It gets me away from the bullshit of the world where it’s only polite to smile and say thanks when handed my grande Chai Tea late.

 

The feeling of the sunrays soaking into my thirsty wet skin while riding a wave on a clear blue day gives me the chance to not worry. To not care; about anything.

 

No smile necessary, just an inner-self happiness and pride.

 

Surfing is for me. Not because dad said I need to do it. Not because colleges think it looks cool.

 

When Mother Nature engulfs me within her salty love, my soul feels nurtured and expresses nothing more than what I feel at that moment in time. My intimate interaction with surfing gives me feelings of independence and freedom, yet, at the mercy of her power.

 Happiness flows through my veins at the thought of Mother Nature not judging me the way dad (and society, for that matter) does.  Bad memories of dad can stay out of my head while replenished with surfing’s gifts.

 

Surfing is an addictive way to express my legitimate happiness, no fake happy faces.

[Kylie Wilson]

Thanks everyone. 

Natalia-

If time ever permits next quarter, I'd like to meet for coffee again sometime to discuss this.

I'm confused with myself and how to deal with high standards, considering how successful you are, I would love to hear the perspective of someone who is an adult now.

Thanks!

Kylie :)

[natalia kartashova]

OMG,I thought only I feel that way:)lol...but you know,parents do some things because they don't know any better,because they feel responsible to give you all that values-to be determined,disciplined,diverse,educated,successful,to be the best in anything you will start...I had the same thing-never good enough was the country idea and every family...Parents felt obligated to raise highly competitive member of the society,does it pays off? I think now,when I turn back, I am grateful to my mom who was like your father...she prepared me for all the pain that happened to me later on and the strength she developed in me is the only reason I survived.The next goal is to convince myself that I have right to not to be perfect and this is the most difficult goal in my life...

[Meghan Foster]

Kyle did you write this? It's awesome if you did. I totally agree with you.