Why Do I Do What I Do?Elycia ScrivenIt’s hard to look at myself in the critical light that is reality. When I do I have to admit that I’ve always been a dependant person. I get along well with people and have a natural charm towards adults. Unfortunately this also means that I sometimes use people in order to get what I want, and that is something that I’m not proud of. I was that girl with a steady string of long-term boyfriends that threw love and attention my way, but no matter how perfect they seemed I was always the “dumper”, never the “dumped”.My junior year I met another “perfect guy”, but this boyfriend seemed different than all the others. I was in love, and I spent every waking moment by his side. During the course of our two-year (and partially long distance) relationship I lost interest in school and cut back time with friends and family in order to be with him. My best friends told me that I’d “changed”, and my mom told me that I was “losing myself”. Of course, I was infuriated by these comments and was driven even closer to my boyfriend who showered me with attention and provided stability in my rapidly changing life. I was so infatuated with this boy that I never stopped to recognize the problems that had sprouted up in the past two years.Then, at the end of my senior year, with all my accomplishments on display and a shining path in front of me leading straight to UCLA, the veil was lifted from my eyes. He had become jealous, started doing drugs, lying, and putting down my accomplishments in order to put us on more of a level playing field. I realized that as much as I loved him, I didn’t need him in my life to make me feel like a successful young woman. I don’t regret anything that happened, because during the course of our relationship I grew up into an independent and strong individual. I do what I do in order to stay true to the confidence and sense of worth that I have worked so hard to develop in myself.
Comments