I could say that I love pushing my limits. That the thrill of surpassing expectations I set for myself is sufficient to fuel my everyday desires. That these trivial yet somehow meaningful tests I put in front of myself give me a profound sense of satisfaction.
But that would be only partly true. Sure, I enjoy seeing how far I would go, or how I would respond. But it is also your limits that concern me, because I revel in seeing your response to it. It just knocks me out is what it does.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that without you I couldn’t truly live. And I don’t really think anyone could. Even Tom Hanks had Wilson with him when he was stuck on that godforsaken island for years. Its in that same way that I need you, whoever it is that you happens to be on any particular day.
If you take one day in particular, about two years ago, I reached the culmination of my limit-pushing. Or perhaps it was just the start? Regardless of what the correct answer is, it was still one of those make it or break it moments for me. And the beauty in it is that it was the same way for her. Because I did kiss her. And in doing so I quenched that strange part of me that loves these kind of things. But thats not all, because it was then that I was able to see what you would do with this situation, how you would respond.
And who knew a byproduct of that one small test I put us through would radically alter my life from then on out? I sure didn’t.
That’s probably why I do the things that I do. Because if I didn’t, I would never experience the thrill of guessing what will happen. And I’d always be left wondering what would have happened. Because I think its better to force nature’s hand, and then live in the aftermath of it than to do simply do nothing. Because the saddest thing would have been wondering what might have been.
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