I’ve never been good with words—I much prefer notes. Although English is my first language, music is where I find my voice. Music has been such a large part of my life, what with playing piano and clarinet and singing, so composing seemed to come naturally. Creating my own songs has given me an outlet to express what I can’t say.When I’m at my piano, I’m in another world. The troubles of my life stop bothering me, but that’s not to say they don’t influence what I write. Sitting at my piano bench makes me feel powerful—I can write whatever I want, express whatever I think of, and when people hear it, they can hear what they want. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s all how they interpret it.But that is the problem. Maybe they’ll hate it—maybe nothing will speak to them. What if I work hard on every song I create, and then the people who decide whether I make it to the next level say “Amateur”? How do I cope? I want to find a way to make a living out of this hobby—this passion. I want to be a professional composer for movies, with red carpet status—now that would be an absolute dream. But the chances of that are so slim, and it is so competitive, and I’m tired of being ranked last.Composing is the one thing in my life that I feel like I haven't screwed up. So do I jump, and hope that I land on my feet with all the possibilities of the world staring at me? Or do I fear the fall too much to try, and just accept this as a hobby? I’ve been debating this for so long—but there’s only one option. If it really is my passion, I have to do it whole-heartedly, and if I fall, well, then there’s the inspiration for my next song.
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