I wish I could skip the pain of life and always live within the joy. I’m living life struggling to discover my sole purpose of existence. I’m confused, restless, and insecure. I’m blinded in sight and ignorant to the ways of true happiness. My family, my Korean culture, my religion have always dictated who I am and what I do. I’m settled inside this comfort zone because endeavoring outside these secure walls frightens me. I fear rejection and vulnerability. I rely on these things because they are essentially what make up who I am.My father is a minister and my entire life I have been taught that it is through God that I am “saved” and through God I make my life’s purpose. This pursuit of our greatest desires we strive for is ultimately to glorify God. I live to give back what He has endowed upon me.I study. I indulge in food. I go running. I hang with friends. I sleep. I do these things not because I love to do it, but because it is what I know and what I have done all my life. I hope to be a compassionate person to others, a person that can impact our world for the better. I want to be different and escape the social norm. I’m still in the process, however, of finding a way to achieve this. For now, I am simply an 18-year-old girl, a Korean-Christian, a music player, a sister, a friend, a laugher, a crier, a passionate learner, a lover of life.I want to make my parents proud and show them how indebted I am to them. My mother experienced the trauma of losing a son prior to my birth. My sister and I are now everything to her; it is because of her unconditional love that I have been brought here today. I do what I do because it is what I’ve been told to do: by my peers, my parents, my teachers. But what is it that I truly love to do? That I do not know.
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