I’m lucky to wake up every morning and be alive. I remember when I took this rather overlooked, disregarded notion that each day is a blessing for granted as I entered my high school soccer field one Saturday morning. Instead of seeing my teammates warming up and joking around, I saw their red puffy eyes filled with tears as I heard the most horrifying news, Ally died in a car crash. A drunk driver had entered the off ramp of the freeway and destructively took the life of my friend. She was only 18. Why her? Why did she have to be sitting in the passenger seat? Why couldn’t the doctors save her? I couldn’t comprehend anything because I refused to believe it.
Ally’s life was taken too soon and it was difficult for me to understand that I would never see her smiling face again or be on the receiving end of one of her warm hugs. That soccer season was dedicated to Ally. Everything thing we did as a team on and off the field, we did for her. Ally motivated me to be a better person. Even without her physical presence, she taught me to love everyone and keep on living life. She was a girl who lived in the moment and loved every minute of her life.
A year later, I was faced with the ugliness of death again. Both of my grandparents passed away within 3 months of each other. To loose both of them shattered my heart. Why didn’t I see them more? Why did I always put off visiting them? The saying, “you never know what you have until its gone” couldn’t have been any more true at that moment in my life. I tunneled my anger and frustration towards doing everything to make my grandparents proud. I worked hard at school, graduated and got accepted to UCLA. Yet, something still felt like it was missing.
With plenty of time and support from family and friends, I began to accept that both Ally and my grandparents were in a better place. I learned to look through pictures and revisit memories to help keep their spirit alive. I finally realized that I shouldn’t be living my life in order to meet my grandparent’s standards or to try to be just like Ally. Rather, I should live my life for them. I still think of them every day and know they are watching over me from heaven. Every morning when the sun rises and I wake up to the rays of light beaming through the window, I smile and know that the people I love are smiling right back at me.
Comments