In long 13 years, I saw my blood-related father for the very first time in Korea. I only remembered his face through pictures since I had no memory of him as a young child. When I saw his familiar face, I felt mixed emotions - furious, happy, relieved, hurt, etc. Now that I was an adult, I finally was able to hear the full confession as to my parent’s separation. While listening, I swallowed the tears that welled up in my eyes. What hurt the most was reality – that my half sister, who is now 10 years old, lived with both of her real parents while I didn’t, and her mother had a comfortable life as a housewife while my mother came home late from work nearly everyday. If only my parents were still together, then my mother and I would be living the luxurious life.
He told me not to blame my mother, but I unintentionally gave her an attitude and asked her why she couldn’t have been more patient for my sake. Why couldn't she have at least thought about how I would feel when I grew older? She answered, saying that it was my fate to have one mom and two dads, which I hated hearing. That just made things so much more complicated. My confused mind was only filled with “what if’s” and “why’s”. At night, I cried myself to sleep as I imagined how different and much better my life would have been if my mom had not filed for those divorce papers.
For a couple of months, I reflected upon my current situation and the sudden appearance of my real dad. I realized that it was no use feeling sorry for myself when I got a reality check that life goes on nevertheless. I decided to accept my path and go with the flow instead. After all, I should be grateful that my blood father was alive and I was able to see him before it was too late. So why do I do what I do? Because I do not want to be stuck in the unchangeable past anymore.
Comments