undecided

[laura lucas]

At first, this question "why do you do what you do?" really bothered me because there was no way I could find just one simple answer as to why I do the things that I do. Because the question was so broad, it seemed almost trivial. How do we define our actions through a single motive? I do what I do because I'm tired of waiting for things to change, because I want to be loved, because I need to be heard, because it makes me happy, because I needed something to feel, because one day I beileve I will see eye to eye with parents, because I want to make a difference, because I love dogs, because I believe my mom will recover, because I am looking for faith, because I am lost, because I a role model to my siblings, because I want to be beautiful, etc. The list goes on and on. So how to pick which factor is most important? Is there something that stands out to me more than the others or strikes me as more significant? I cannot decide. And so again I asked myself, what is it that I do? I volunteer at shelters and soup kitchens, take my little sisters to soccer practice, and speak through music. I help out anyone who asks me for help and put aside my needs to please others. I am a generous, kind, loving, friendly, and outgoing person. I don't like meat. Last night I went out to eat at a restaurant and a menu was placed in front of me with endless options of pasta, salads, drinks, and desserts and I sat there and took forever to decide what it was I wanted to eat. I love frozen yogurt. Every time I go a frozen yogurt bar, I have to sample all the flavors and then force myself to combine three flavors at maximum. As if that decision isn't hard enough, I must also choose only a couple toppings from the dozens of candies, chocolates, and fruits toppings that are available. I think of the sandwich or pizza I order, which always comes with everything on it. I think of the sheet of paper listing all the majors that UCLA has to offer. I look at the list of reasons I have typed out above and I realize, I am afraid of limiting myself to one thing because I don't want to miss out on everything else the world has to offer. I cram as many activites as possible into each and every day and I never like wasting any minute of my time. I don't like guessing or answering a question I don't know the correct answer to, because the range of answers is endless.  I do the things I do because life asks too many questions and I'm still undecided.