“She really needs to start talking more…” essentially characterized every single worthless parent teacher meeting I experienced before my high school years. For some reason I didn’t really believe in the importance of their hierarchical urge to force me to be one of their clichéd little teachers pets, bubbling over at every waking moment. My childhood was characterized by my parents forcing me to go up by myself and order food, hence honing my communication skills supposedly. My high school years were spent somewhat antithetically, as my parents now instead spent every waking moment in a paradox. On the one hand, I was really good at Speech and Debate. Captain for three years, top 16 in the state for two years, and ranked at several national tournaments. On the other hand, the weekends in Chicago, Up state Washington, and Atlanta, and the other random places debate would take me caused a blow to my grades at time. Trying to strike a balance is why I do what I do. This averts the question of what it is I actually do. “Jack of all trades, master of none” is my ultimate nightmare. Mediocrity and the complacency and apathy of those in that situation make me cringe. My strategy is not subtle and relies on negation in order to find the eventual positive lines in my life. I do not really believe in the question of who I am. Static identities are discardable. I am what I need to be, changing every moment in life. Reinventing oneself is the only way to be marketable. I do what I do so I can experience brief moments of fulfillment, and I try to suppress the virus of entitlement yet in mind I think I still believe the big payoff does not lag too far behind.
Comments