WHY DO I DO WHAT I DO

[Esther S Han]

WDYDWYD?Being left alone in this world is undoubtedly my worst fear, and therefore, I feel like I do a lot just to make my family proud and to be accepted by them. I am a 19-year-old student attending UCLA for the primary goal to pursue a higher education and to grant myself a promising career in the future. Besides going to such a prestigious university, I attend church at a weekly basis on Sunday mornings. Church is a value that I hold closer to my heart because it has been a tradition to go to church with my parents. Therefore, I feel like I cannot abandon this family tradition that has been incorporated into my routines. Also, it would bring disappoint to my family if I had just stopped going to church or stopped believing. Although I feel like my family forces religion upon me; I try not to skip church on a Sunday morning. However, I feel like I may have found my own personal reason of why I do attend church or why I try not to stop believing that there is a God.Whether it may be through the form of fear that pushes me to believe that God really does exist, I feel like God shows me through miracles and dreams to motivate me to have a stronger faith. Every once in a while, I dream about being absolutely alone in this world. All human beings leave the world, and I wake up to darkness and call out my family’s name. No one is there, and I am looking at myself through the mirror while I cry. I always wake up at this point, and I always reflect back on the last chapter, Revelations, of the Bible, in which God comes to take all the believers to Heaven, and all the nonbelievers are left behind in the world. This is definitely a scary thought that becomes unimaginable because I always turn to my family for moral support and encouragement. This becoming my biggest fear of all, I learned that God keeps reminding me that he really does exist, and I just have to try believing.