High school is full of its problems, some that you walk into and others that you bring upon yourself. Back in high school, my friendship with my best friend for 16 years seemed to change. Since preschool, we did everything together. We helped each other through a lot of problems, most especially girl problems. During that time in high school, I was coming up on my one year anniversary with my girl friend at the time. Sadly, we too were having relationship problems. We lived somewhat far from each other so it was always a struggle to see each other. But when we saw each other, life was heaven. It was when we were apart when things got difficult. It felt like we were always competing with each other. We fought for each others attention, pushed each others buttons until one of us couldn't take it. But there were times when we couldn't help but fight. Either one of us didn't call, didn't text back or couldn't find even a minute to just say hi over the phone. It got to a point where everyday was a fight. I expected it. I would just wait for the hour of the day when we would yell at each other, dreading every moment till then. And when that moment came, every problem that we ever argued about before was fair game. Things got so bad that I constantly felt hurt. I would put on a mask before school so that people wouldn't stop and ask if I was ok. Then I would just take it off when I got home and beat myself up till it was time to fight with my girl friend again.
So this is where my best friend comes in. During this time, I was not me, not by any means. I felt that my best friend would be the only person that could talk some sense into me, bring me back to reality. But when I finally had the balls to talk to him, it seemed to be too late. I cried to him about all the crap that was going on in my life. I let it all out. But after all of that, talking to him felt different. It felt like he wasn't there, even during the time when I needed him the most. Later that week I found out that he was dating a girl that he recently met. And over the course of the next few months, we grew further and further apart. It reached the point when I realized that my best friend left me for this girl. As dumb as it sounds, it was the last thing I needed. A month later, my girl friend and I called it quits. I couldn't take it anymore. And ending things was supposed to make it easier for me. But it didn't. It made things a lot worse. I was heartbroken and had no one to turn to. It was the loneliest I ever felt in my life. I blamed myself for everything. I had no self esteem to carry me out of this hole I dug for myself. I was afraid. I was scared to let problems overwhelm my life. But finally, my prayers were answered.
The one thing that saved me was writing everything down. I found myself writing all my problems into an old math notebook that had unused pages in the back. When I felt like yelling, I let my pen bleed and scratched my words into the pages. In high school, I got a chance to speak at an open mic. Back then I had most of the things in that notebook memorized. The open mic was simply my gateway. When I stepped in front of that mic, I let it all out. Everything bottled up was gone in 3 minutes and 9 seconds. And in that moment, I realized that this was what I was waiting for, a safety net. My words saved me. Making poetry out of my pain saved me. Now, all my problems go into another notebook with unfilled pages. It makes life easier to live when you have your problems on a page than in your head.
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