My lifelong goal since I was 12 was to never have a boss in my entire life. Needless to say I was pretty naiive. I was the crafty, pushy kid selling random stuff to people and explaining why they were making a sound investment. Yeah, I was that kid. Instead of playing Nintendo64, I was all about making a buck. I didn't get an allowance so I this worked out pretty well for me. When I was twelve I discovered eBay. Naturally, I began asking every single one of my friends if they wanted to sell anything. I told them I would sell it for them and keep 20 percent of the sale price. You'd be surprised how lucrative this was, even for a twelve year old. Don't get me wrong. I am by NO means attempting to brag about myself or anything of the sort. In fact, at the time I didn't even know why I got more enjoyment out of this whole eBay business thing than playing video games like every other kid. I guess it was just me and what I liked to do, and it still is. That being said, clearly I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I'm constantly thinking about a way to make money on the side and be financially self-sufficient, but more importantly I have an obsession with attempting to create something original that I can see grow before my eyes, whether it has to do with making money or not. In a word, I get enjoyment out of doing things without being told.
I'm probably one of the most competitive people you'll meet. However, one of my friends the other day jokingly said to me, "How come every time I look at you, you never have a smile on." Immediately I denied it, knowing that I have a very keen sense of humor, as dry as it may be, but it definitely got me thinking about how my demeanor and interests automatically project my appearance to others. I think first, say second, and do third, and because I am quiet it often times results in me appearing shy or antisocial--two things I am definitely not. It probably is a mild case of ADD or something, but I am constantly contemplating something. I am the king of zoning out, saying, "Wait, what did you say?" and embarrassingly not getting the joke because something someone said triggered another thought. However, it's that contemplation and arguably selfish interest in my own affairs that has stuck with me since day one, has gotten me to where I am today, and continues to be an attitude I probably won't relinquish.
Searching through the cobwebs of my brain, I really tried to find the origin of this mindset. I finally found myself thinking about my father, the man I respect the most--a once destitute child, abandoned at age four by his degenerate of a womanizer I guess you can call my grandfather (I think he's in his eigth marriage?), who found it somewhere in his ability to become the greatest father someone could ask for. I never really appreciated the determination and instrinsic drive it must have required to be the person he is today, until I really started being so independent like he was. He had no role model. His mother worked three jobs, raising three children. All the same, he somehow found himself a self-made man, and a very morally founded one to say the least. Growing up, I had everything he didn't, but somehow I ended up with the same attitude because of how he raise me. It might be his childhood that caused him to never once tell me to do my homework, never once praise me for good grades, but he always reminded me of the big picture, something he learned without being told. Now that I am a man, I see how similar I am to my father, as much as I told myself I wouldn't be. We both are very serious and both intrinsically driven, being ever mindful of what's important. What's also funny is that we both have a hard time listening to what each other have to say because we both zone out constantly (We should probably both try and work on that). Who knows how much of this similarity was subconsciously nurtured and how much of it is purely genetic is irrelevant. Regardless, if I had to ask myself why I'm so driven, why I'm so independent, and why I'm so competitive, I guess I would say the following: I do what I do with such fervor because I know how lucky I am to have so much more opportunity than my father. I have two wonderful parents, excellent health, and most importantly cherished memories, the latter of the three being something my father wishes he had the most. Sure I am constantly competitive in nature and I always strive to do my best in almost every aspect of life, but if I had to come up with a real reason why, it's not to please anyone else, to prove anything to anyone, or to do what is expected of me. I do it in thanks for what I have been so luckily given. I do what I do because I am unbelievably grateful for the opportunities many never have, and I refuse to take advantage of those three aforementioned things that are so unfortunately often taken for granted.
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